Top Ten Pieces of Career Advice from a Therapist / Part One
One of the most common things people come to talk about in therapy might surprise you. Absolutely we talk about anxiety and depression and how your childhood is playing a role in your present life, but one thing that comes up often is what’s happening at work. You spend a lot of time at work. Your workplace likely has a lot of different personalities that stir up different responses and reactions in you, some positive and some not so positive.
Maybe your boss is driving you up the wall.
Maybe you’re being expected to keep up at a wildly unrealistic pace.
Maybe you want to say no but you also don’t want to come across as not a team player. (Tell me you’re a woman in the workplace without telling me you’re a woman in the workplace…)
Maybe you’re realizing that your passions have changed and your current work set up doesn’t light you up the way it once did.
The list goes on and on. And it’s likely that if you struggle with any type of mental health problem, it means you’ll be struggling with those very issues within the context of your work and that can often be an overwhelming experience. Plus navigating your career can feel like you’re staring out at a desolate desert with a lone tumbleweed passing by every so often as you ask yourself, “What exactly am I doing here?” Add in the comparison game where you watch your friends get promotions and shiny new jobs and things can start to feel really bad, really fast.
It’s taken me awhile to find my footing as a therapist in private practice but I’ve learned some invaluable lessons about being a beginner, asking for what you need, and navigating unhealthy dynamics in the workplace (because they’re bound to show up) and I want to share them with you!
So here is part one of a two part series where I’ll share the first five of ten pieces of career advice from yours truly, a licensed therapist!
Some may resonate more than others depending on where you are on your journey, but I hope you will be able to find relief in reading through these points and find confidence in exactly where you are today.
One. You get to change your mind.
I don’t know where you are in your career as you read this, but think back to five years ago. Where were you? What were your interests? What were you passionate about? What kept you up at night? Now think about those same things for where you find yourself today. If you find your lists don’t match up to a T, rather it feels more like those two lists represent two different people, you’re probably doing a lot of great personal work! You’re growing and expanding and changing. And when you change, your work is likely to change as well. Changing your mind doesn’t mean anything bad, it means that you’re changing, and that’s something that gets to be celebrated. You have total permission to change your mind to find a career that can hold the ever expanding fullness of you. While there is no perfect career that will never break your heart or let you down, begin to take note of the things and people and systems and problems that light you up, get your creative energy flowing, and follow those breadcrumbs!
Two. Your path doesn’t need to be linear. In fact, expect it won’t be.
Our culture really values linear growth. Stories of starting out at the bottom and growing your way up to the top are celebrated and revered. But the more I sit with people and listen to their stories, rarely is that the reality. If you are in a place of feeling shame or guilt around the wandering nature of your path, I suggest you listen to this talk on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday podcast by Elizabeth Gilbert aptly titled ‘The Curiosity Driven Life.” It’s 30 minutes of medicine your soul will drink right up and feel a deep sense of relief. Think of your career path and really your life path like you would your fingerprints. It’s going to be totally unique, windy and wholeheartedly your own. This is also where asking yourself the question “What am I being invited into?” in the midst of a particularly challenging and confusing season as an anchor can be incredibly helpful.
Three. It’s not your responsibility to figure out how to keep the company moving forward if you decide to leave.
(That is unless it is your company, then yes, it most definitely is your responsibility.)
I find this one to be particularly important for women to remember because one of the most common roadblocks that comes up when someone is exploring new job opportunities is the worry and guilt over leaving their team behind.
Maybe you’ve even found yourself saying things like:
“But what would they do without me?”
“They really took a chance on me a few years ago and I owe it to them to stay longer.”
“I’m going to disappoint them so much.”
Oof! Think of those feelings and sentiments like fishhooks that get stuck smack dab in your chest. The easiest way to make it not hurt anymore is to turn away from your desires and stop moving, stop asking, and stop wondering about what could be. If you stay still, the fishhook won’t hurt you. That route tends to work for a time, but eventually staying still feels worse than feeling the temporary pain of unhooking yourself and walking away.
You didn’t start the company so the responsibility to keep it going or close it down is not yours to make. You showed up and did excellent work and helped move the company forward and now it’s time for both you and the company to grow. Sometimes it’s also helpful to remember that neither you or your work place is as fragile as your guilty emotions make it out to be and you’re more adaptable than you give yourself credit for.
Four. Find mentors. Ask. All. The. Questions.
You’ve probably heard about how you become like the five people you spend the most time with and that same phenomenon can be applied to who you become and grow into in your professional sphere. This is why I think it is of upmost importance to surround yourself with people who you respect and who you want to be more like in 5, 10, 15 years.
In the therapeutic profession, you are required to be under the supervision of a licensed practitioner for the first few years out of graduate school. I wish that was the case for every profession. Twice a week, I would meet with my supervisor for an hour and we would go over cases and process what was showing up in my work. I made a commitment to myself that if ever I felt nervous or embarrassed to ask a certain question, that I’d push myself to ask that question and get that help. I’m so glad I challenged myself in that way because it’s offered me so much relief and given me a lot more confidence to not be so scared of what I’m experiencing. So the biggest advice I’d offer to you is to find a mentor you feel safe enough asking all the embarrassing questions to. Not only did this help me grow in being able to ask for help, I learned to trust my intuition that there was usually treasure to be discovered and unpacked but to get to the treasure, I had to move through the discomfort first.
Five. Trust your body’s reaction to certain people in your work place.
Lalah Delia just wrote “The right people feel different to your nervous system” on an instagram post and her words sent shivers down my spine. Your body often knows the truth before your mind is conscious of it. I learned this in a deeply painful way and because of that experience, I take my body’s cues very seriously now. This might just be the most important and difficult lessons that’s come from my career. When I shared this point on instagram a few weeks ago, I soon discovered I wasn’t alone and many of you had similar experiences.
If even knowing where to start feels confusing when it comes to listening to your body, here are a few ways to start.
Begin tracking what your body feels like around certain people.
Do you notice your heart rate increasing in front of one coworker but not the other?
Do you get a tightness in your chest when you’re with a boss?
Do you even shake or get really cold all of a sudden when you’re in front of a person?
If you answered yes to any of those, take those cues seriously. Your body is telling you the truth. What that truth is might be for you and your therapist to decipher, but your body is really wanting to help you, even if it feels quite the opposite.
In the same way, notice the people you work where your body feels at ease.
Notice who you go to when you’re feeling anxious because you always walk away calmer after talking with them.
When you start tracking those cues, it will give you huge insight into who you feel safe with and who you feel anxious and unsafe with. And although I mentioned this before, this is another reason why going to therapy is great because your therapist can help you really process what’s showing up and help you know how to show up for yourself in your workplace dynamics.
If any of these points provoked a curiosity in you to learn more and you live in the state of South Carolina, consider reaching out us at Fig Holistic Psychotherapy to schedule a free 15 minute phone consult to talk more about how therapy can help you navigate your career choices and workplace dynamics with more confidence and ease.